We all hear discussions about couples therapy but do you understand exactly what it involves? Since over 50% of all marriages unfortunately end in divorce, one would assume most people not only have a good idea of what marriage counseling is but also some first hand experience. Yes, knowledge or experiences of how counseling works and how helpful it can be for saving marriages and other longterm relationships.

There’s also the fact that counseling in general has become quite popular especially over the last twenty years as a way for people to deal with all kinds of issues and difficulties in their life. So it’s hardly a surprise that couples therapy has become so widely accepted by those in marriages and other relationships where the difficulties are more than they can handle on their own.

Having said all of that, we don’t want to make the mistake of assuming everyone has all the information they need. I’m sure you know what they say about people who assume. Therefore, an explanation of couples therapy will be provided for anyone who is leery of the process or not quite sure what it actually entails.

Premise Behind Couples Therapy

Couples therapy works on the premise that a qualified professional therapist can take an objective look from outside the relationship. This allows them to offer guidance and insight into the nature of the couples problems, misunderstandings or other difficulties preventing them from getting along or living together happily. It has also grown in popularity as a means to learn better communication skills as well as a way to gain insight into a relationship before a couple even gets married.

It’s not uncommon for a couple that has been together for quite some time to run into problems with their relationship. Over time many differences build up and trigger conflicts including such things as gender, roles, personality,  culture, childhood, religion, sleeping and work habits to name a few. In the ideal world, each couple would be able to work out these difference through their own ability to negotiate and communicate with each other.

However, as we all know life doesn’t work out quite that easily for many of us. So, rather than just throwing in the towel, couples therapy is extremely useful in helping spouses to actually get their relationship running smoothly once again.

The Process of Couples Therapy

Now I’m sure you’re wondering exactly what goes on in couples therapy sessions that brings about the changes necessary to save these relationships. So, let’s now take a look at the basics of this therapeutic process.

Individual Needs are Addressed

When problems in a relationship get out of control, it can be difficult to sort out the true reasons for each partner being so upset. During counseling sessions each person will be given a chance to step back from the situation and get in touch with their own specific needs and the needs of their spouse. The hectic pace of daily life rarely allows us the time or space to take a look at these needs while couples therapy will do just that.

Establishing the Roles of Each Partner

Each relationship differs in how roles are carried out and it’s important to understand these and how they affect your relationship. Some of these roles include decision maker, caregiver, bread winner, supporter, financial adviser and the list goes on. You need to be aware of what these are and find agreement between you.

Understanding Concerns

Now that you have determined the roles and needs of each partner, it’s time to discuss the basic concerns of each. This should occur much more calmly now. It’s usually easier to understand the issues when you know the reasons behind the upset reactions of your partner. And with an outside negotiator there, couples therapy provides a nonthreatening place to work out these issues.

Recommendations and Skill Building Phase

Once the above is completed the counselor will make recommendations as to where to go from here. This will include action steps, skill building sessions or tools for improvement, individual therapy for personal issues, anger management programs or anything else needed to improve the relationship.

Couples therapy provides a safe place for partners to work on their issues with professional guidance and support while offering them the tools they can use long after counseling has ended to keep their relationship on track for many years to come.